Something breaks inside you. Something acts as a trigger. Depression feels like you are drowning. You feel alone and it’s terrifying. It’s implosion of self. It feels like sadness, hopelessness, and a loss of interest in activities. It feels painful, there is lack of appetite, and sleep problems.
The emotions are severe than sadness that come and go in response to life events.
It feels like you are locked in a cage with out a key. A endless blackness. A sheet of ice. Everything is foggy, grey, blotchy, with no Color.
It feels impossible to carry on with daily life. You become a sort of half- living ghost.
It disrupts careers. Can’t be bothered to show up to work. Feel anxious to go to work and be amongst people. Interacting with people drains you. It’s fear of failure with no urge to be productive. There is Forgetfulness, confusion, disorientation. How can you work when a small decision making, becomes agonising?
It disrupts relationships. It makes you Want to disconnect from others in your life. You pretend to be okay, but you are not. Hiding the truth causes sense of disconnect from others. When there is no one whom you can be ‘honest or real’ with there is sense of exhaustion and misery. Each time you lie and say you are fine you die a little more.
You can not function and do things. It feels overwhelming.
It disrupts self- care. It feels like, you do not want to wake up. There is nothing to look forward to. Some can’t sleep. No matter how much you try , you can’t fall asleep. And for some people they sleep excessively. It’s better to sleep and block out the world. Sleep isn’t sleep anymore, it’s an escape. You sleep walk through your days, craving to sleep so that you would escape the torture of being awake. You do not want to eat. There is no appetite. It feels like there is zero energy, lifeless, can’t get out of bed to do simple tasks. Some, they loose Weight because of lack of appetite. Some people binge. They crave for unhealthy comfort foods. Causing weight gain. You don’t feel like having a shower. To push your self to have a shower would need a lot of effort. Each step is a challenge, each breath is a challenge. Living becomes a chore. Tormented, volatile, black, despair, longing, waiting.. something that will never come…. oh the thoughts!
‘what am I looking for? What am I waiting for?’
It disrupts daily tasks like house care. House is a mess, laundry will be over flowing with dirty clothes. Clothes that are washed never gets folded, the sink will will be piled up with dirty dishes, the bills aren’t paid, post never gets collected, rubbish isn’t been taken out, you just walk around hollow.
There is no joy in life. Nothing can make you happy. You don’t enjoy things that you previously enjoyed, like watching sport, going to the beach, being with friends, eating ice cream.
To Concentrate on something gets harder. There is lack of focus. It’s get harder to watch a movie, news, your favourite comedy show or anything. As you can’t think clearly to follow what’s happening. Making decisions is the worst. You can not even enjoy reading. You just can’t focus.
Everything is such a huge effort and feels hopeless. It feels like like it’s never going to get better. You don’t seem to find a way to feel good ever again.
It feels like you are a failure and worthless. You are a burden to everyone around you . You don’t seem to find a positive thing in yourself. Constant Self attacking thoughts.
It feels painful. Excessive headaches, body pains, nausea.
People around you get irritated and annoyed for being like this. Constant fights in families and relationships as the other people don’t understand and get frustrated. They ask, ‘ how are you doing?’ What it means is ‘are you over it, yet?’ They might mean well, and offer advice, ‘What got me through was meditation ‘. Such a comment would lift you to a new level of ANGER!
Depression is constant feeling of numb. Being numb to emotions, numb to life.
Unlike typical sadness depression feels all- consuming and hopeless .
That is how it starts and then suddenly you don’t recognise yourself anymore. ‘I use to enjoy life, laugh and joke, but all I want to do now is to sleep’. Some people think it’s something you can’ snap out’ of it, but only it were that easy.
‘Stop being lazy’, get out of bed, Get a life’ they will say. ‘I’m not lazy, I don’t know how to and where to find motivation to do that.’
when asked ‘ how are you?’ lips say, ‘I’m okay,’ but the soul just is filled with sadness. physically alive, emotionally lifeless. that is how you would feel.
I’m so sorry, how this depression is controlling your life. Sorry that the world has missed the sadness and the choking behind your words of ‘I’m fine’.
A big ((HUGG)).
Please, please.. seek medical assistance.
Depression can worsen with out treatment and affects person’s quality of life. It can get out of control and takes your life.
Suicidal thoughts, ‘not wanting to live’- should be taken seriously. There is tendency to take your life as life feels empty and meaningless. Seek help immediately from hospital emergency department.
Speak to a trusted friend or a family member. Get help.
When you come across people with depression, don’t say ‘ get over it’. They are not ‘lazy’ and ‘boring sad people’. Hear them out, their pain, be compassionate, help them to get medical assistance.
Depression is living in a body that constantly fights to survive with the mind that tries to die.
As depression drags you down into the darkest pit – Don’t stay fetal- like. Fight your way up. ♥️