When or if you have enough energy go see your psychiatrist and get some meds. If you have meds and they aren’t working tell your doctor. If you are so “crippled” that you can’t think, walk, or talk, be kind to yourself (which is not easy in depression) and be patient until you feel a bit stronger. That may take some time so if you have someone who can help, ask him or her to call your doctor and explain how dire the situation is. You may just need your doseage changed or you may need to be hospitalized or you may just need to vent and rage and cry until you drop from pure exhaustion. There are many alternative ways that can help like exercise, reading a self help book, doing something you are passionate about and so on…….but!….you wrote that your depression is “crippling” and that means, to me, that you are deep inside the pit where there is only stale air, death, inertia, misery and complete dysfunction on all levels.
When I get like this, I can’t do anything but sleep and feed my cats. I have MDD/GAD so I’ve learned through the years to recognize and accept when I’m like this and surf the dark wave (stay on top) instead of drowning in it. Very hard work to do.
Every time I begin to think about death or suicide or self pity, I have to change the channel in my mind. How? Values! I value beauty the most in life, beauty of all things, not just physical beauty but the beauty in thoughts, the beauty of the spirit, the beauty in my cats eyes for me, etc. Soooooo, I mentally work to turn toxic thoughts of depression into beautiful thoughts of life and beyond.
It can take days and weeks sometimes before I can stand up and function again but my determination is placed in my belief that all things in life are beautiful. But I do not concentrate on thoughts that say even illness is beautiful because then I’m back to square one. It’s about the discovery of what thoughts are healing (beautiful) and what thoughts dwell in ugliness ( which can be sometimes disguised as beautiful or healthy thoughts, careful…). It’s my own kind of CBT I guess. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. A kind of non-attachment mentality, or detachment, or even mindfulness, what have you.
It’s about releasing my ego and self control (will power) over to my dammed up reservoir of trust—-trust in that which makes me feel good, balanced, my passion for truth and beauty. So I do whatever I have the energy for to bring beauty and healthy thinking back in balance with that which is trying to “cripple” me.
It would be much easier, wouldn’t it, if we could just rely on medications or acupuncture or amino acid therapy, or even natural supplements…. anything outside ourselves to get us through this debilitating illness. But it really is an illness that works from the inside out. The healing work must then start inside of oneself while the external resources reinforce the good we are trying to do.
What does depression attack? Self-esteem, everything good, right and healthy, love, beauty, truth, honesty, integrity, honor, energy, mental energy, all energy, physical, mental, spiritual, freedom of thought, the brain’s energy centers of perception, sleep, eating, addiction, impulse, mood, oh gee what else…? Anyway, ….it makes good sense then that in order to “fight” depression ( I like the word, heal or manage better) the afflicted has to counteract the negative with thoughts of the positive through sincere intentions. Easy to say, tough to do. And it can’t be just a trial run. Consistent awareness of changing the mental energy field to a healthy one must be exercised and practiced in the Now, whenever and wherever. It’s a daunting act that can save one’s life though, and through consistent practice and time, turning mental direction towards positive thoughts can become easier, more natural and not need so much focus as in the beginning of dissolving such a toxic depressed and anxious mentality.
Whenever I’m asked how I deal with being a depressive, this is what I say…….everyday there is a choice presented with this illness whether I acknowledge that truth or not . (I must admit though, that there are those really horrible periods in depression where choice feels unattainable, completely obsolete but it passes as soon as I begin to feel some mental clarity going on). It’s a choice To turn on my light and go to work managing my thoughts (surfing the wave) or not turn on the light. Sometimes I’m too sick (depressed) to even find my way to the light switch and that’s when I forgive myself instead of believing in the depression over emphasizing the guilt and shame I should feel for being so pitiful and lazy. So in a way, I’ve learned how to un-wallow in my misery and still be miserable ! Ha. It took years of working with my thoughts and introspection about who I really am and all that. What am I trying to say? Or I sure hope my words are clear enough to make some sense to you.
If nothing is helping or working for you and you keep sinking further down into the pit, it’s time to step back and take a good look at your thoughts, your ideas, the words you use in your self-talk, the words that empower negative and ugly feelings. Mine is beauty and the love I feel when I just think of the word. It turns me on like nothing else. Find what does that for you and design, create a mental landscape for it to thrive in because the only kind of surfboard you need is one you make yourself out of those things you are most passionate about! Whew!
Heres a quote I’ve kept for years to remind me about the power that words have over our well-being-ness.
Man’s word is Spirit in man. Spoken words are sounds occasioned by the vibrations of thoughts; thoughts are vibrations sent forth by the ego or the soul……Words saturated with sincerity, conviction, faith, and intuition are like highly explosive vibration bombs, which, when set off, shatter the rocks of difficulties and create the change desired. ~~Paramanhansa Yogananda, Self -Realization Foundation